This fanfic written by Harper Hinton
Episode 7-"River Dogs"
As our young heros stare up at the creaky, dusty, sunlight filtering floorboards (a la The Goonies)inside the Dome of Doom, Everyone's Friend and Guidance Counselor is busy checking out the hole in the wall upstairs. Sheriff Valenti wakes up from the obviously not hard enough clunk on the head delivered last week by said Counselor and lifts his head slowly to peer at her. He realizes this may not be such a good idea, and quickly goes back to imitating a possum just run over by a Mack truck.Meanwhile, Maria meets a rat downstairs who fondles her hand before leading everyone to a duct that shall bring them freedom. As everyone rushes over whispering loudly, rustling papers and generally making a louder racket than a crowd in Times Square at New years, Counselor continues her snooping. Our heros rush out, but not before Isabel grabs a mysterious and pretty necklace off of a statue and Michael grabs a box of papers. They scoot through the hole and up out of a rusty opening. As soon as they hop into their jeep, Everybody's Friend sticks her head up out of the hole like that gopher from Caddy shack and gets a mouthful of dust as they burn rubber on outta there.
Interior: Max and Isabel's house. Isabel tells Max about some weird swirly symbol she and Max drew in the sand at a beach years ago. She gives him a notebook and demands that he draw this symbol with his eyes closed, and voila! A perfect replica of the symbol in the sand, that is also the symbol on the mysterious necklace that Isabel found in the Dome of Doom and is now wearing around her neck. Mom comes in and observes that her kids look tired. Isabel lies, then says "I hate lying to her". Max broods.
Maria and Liz are walking in the hall at school chatting about Michael. Maria: "Michael is interesting" Liz: "Interestink?". Maria then goes on to say that nothing at all happened between Michael and herself but she did find out that Michael is a vibrator. He sends out vibes into the universe. Liz is curious as to what kind of vibes and where they went and how many Maria caught, but spots Kyle and decides she must talk to him right away. Maria wishes her luck and says she will see Liz later at Max and Isabel's house.Liz seems clueless about this so Maria reminds her about the files that they all had stolen. Liz goes up to Kyle asks to speak to him privately. They decide to meet in a nearby maintenance closet to chat. Once inside, Kyle reminds Liz in his best Jack Nicholson that this lovely little closet stuffed with mops and cleaning fluids is the very closet where they shared their first kiss. How romantic. "That was a great day", says Liz. "Don't even try it" Kyle snaps. "I just wanted to make sure that you were ok...that you didn't...get. hurt. last. night." says Liz, trying to tenderize the meat. "I see, "says he. "Yep" says Liz. Kyle says he is hunky dory and goes to leave. Liz stops him and says she is just trying to make sure he isn't about to go flap his gums about her person private trysts with Max and the gang to anyone in authority, in so many words. Kyle puts on the concerned face and asks what she was up to. She won't say , so he begs like a puppy for a hint. No luck. "Is it drugs? are you part of some cult or is it just about SEX?" "Kyle!". Kyle says no worries he won't tell. Liz says 'Thank you' too soon, because Kyle backs it up with , "Not until I have something on him that will destroy him." Mwuuuahahah!
Counselor, now named "Agent Topolsky" goes back to her office to do some mind cleansing Tai Chi and make a simultaneous phone call to The Big Head. Big Head is quite agitated at her for not acting covertly enough in her spying duties and demands she act more covertly because being covert is really important to such a covert operation. Nyah! "I've been acting covertly" she says. "Drop kicking the Sheriff, you call that covertly?" "The Sheriff was endangering my operation..." "It's MY operation! MY operation! Whhaaa Whhhaaa!" Big Head screams, nearly choking on the bagel that he shouldn't be gorging himself on in the first place.We think for a moment The Big head might have a heart attack, but luckily we are spared.The new orders are "Whatever those kids took from that house, I WANT IT. Get it. Whatever those kids are doing now, I wanna know about it! By any means necessary, AGENT! don't waste my time, AGENT! Get me another bagel, AGENT!"
Sheriff Valenti spends some time at an alien spaceship lecture, and stops the poor host right in the middle of the class to talk to him.Valenti needs to know about Atherton, a man who wrote about the initial Roswell crash. He seems to have disappeared and no one knows if he is alive or not. No one has seen or heard from him since 1959. Legend has it he was abducted by aliens. "As a nerd and general pain in the neck I am compelled to ask, what's this all about?" "I think your slide's on fire." says Valenti, gruffly. The host runs off to save the building and put out the fire, and Valenti goes back to his office to look over some photos of Atherton. One is from the inside cover of the book Atherton wrote, "Among Us", in which Atherton is standing outside the biodome from Paulie Shore's film and the other is a picture of Atherton looking a bit well, dead. A bright silvery hand print shines up from his chest. Hmmm A knock at the door ends this walk down memory lane as a deputy tells Valenti cryptically, "We have a situation.".
In a short car scene, Max, Isabel and Michael talk about checking out the files. Michael tries to get Max and Isabel to allow Maria to come along, but Max says no way. Michael shares the fact that "that Maria girl" is a vibrator. When Vibrators connect. Stay tuned. As they approach the house they see something is desperately out of whack. Cops everywhere, gawking neighbors. It's New York! Max tells Michael to beat it, they will meet him at the Crashdown later. Michaels runs off to wherever he lives.
Max and Isabel go inside and are met by Valenti who confides that there has been a problem. During some nauseating camera work we learn the house has been robbed. Max and Isabel run upstairs to check out their stash and find the files are gone! Valenti comes up to the bedroom and talks about feeling violated. He asking what was missing. Max says "Nothing". Valenti finds this interesting. He also finds it interesting that Isabel checked out Max's room before looking in her own.Valenti sidles up to Isabel and asks to go to her room, to uh, check it out. heh heh. He wants to do a "thorough investigation". Mom comes upstairs and tells Valenti to start treating them like victims, yeah, that's what she said.
Weird sheriff's deputy guy wants a statement from Isabel and asks about her necklace. He becomes quite suspicious. He, as a Native American has seen the symbol on the necklace before, back on the reservation. Isabel looks creeped out. She tells him she got her necklace at the mall. I don't think he believes her, since the necklace is broken.
Michael decides this is a good time to take a dark back alley to the Crashdown and notices one of the Counselor's toadies following him. He ducks into the back door of the Crashdown and startles Maria. Liz enters and Michaels asks if Max and Isabel got there yet. Speak of the Max, and the Max appears. "We need to talk somewhere." says Max, broodingly.
They all go "Somewhere" and sit in "Somewhere's" nondescript living room to talk. Michael describes the toadies that were following him, and Max admits that when they were on the road earlier they were also being followed. Isabel starts to freak out. Max assures everyone, "It's gonna be ok". Michael spots Isabel's necklace and says, "I know that!". Max says they all do, that it is something from the past. Liz says, 'This has to mean somethink!". Isabel says she got the necklace at Atherton's Dome hideaway, and that the Native American Deputy fellow recognized it from the reservation. Michael wants to go on a road trip to the reservation but Max says "We can't make any suspicious moves!" and tells everyone they must stay put.
Valenti is on the make and worms his way into Counselor's office where she is transmitting highly confidential information via her laptop. He hopes he isn't disturbing her covert operation and she assures him that he is always welcome, which is met with a smarmy smile by Valenti. He sits on her desk and tries to look appealing and sexy as he questions her. He tells her how Max's house was broken into and says he needs information. Has there been any trouble with the students at the school? Nope, says she. Valenti compliments her on her ability to take her work home with her. "You know I woke up with one hell of a headache". he says abruptly. "You must have had your head in the wrong place" she says.
Liz shows up at Max's window and conveniently falls into his arms. The house is being watched (and probably bugged) so they should not be saying anything out loud but of course Liz tells him how she didn't want to get anyone involved in this but she is off to the reservation. Max says no can do, we're being watched. Liz tries to impress upon Max how important it is for her to find whatever information is available. She sits next to him and says "you saved my life" for the umpteenth time. She goes on to imply that she cares about him very much and is afraid that he may be caught, yadda yadda. "Let me do this one think" says Liz. "Liz I already told you, no." he says quietly. She turns into a meanie and says, "I didn't come here for permission, now hand over the pendant or else! I'm goink!" "Hey, " Max says, and he puts the pendant on Liz. They stare at each other for a few minutes making you think they might finally kiss, but we are out of luck once AGAIN! "The first moment anything weird happens, you come back now, ya hear?". "I promise" says Liz.
Liz drives to the reservation looking for a stereotypical Old Native Guy.Alone. Stupid, isn't she? It must have taken quite a long time since she just left Max's house and the sun was still shining, but now it is dead black out. A useless person comes up and tries to peddle Liz a tacky bracelet and Liz asks her what the symbol on the pendant means. "Tree of knowledge " she says, then, "No not really I am clueless!". We knew that. The stereotypical Old Native Guy comes up out of nowhere and creeps them out. Peddler says, "Stay away from him". Old Native Guy asks for, no demands old pendant, and like a dumbass, Liz hands it over. Old Native Guy gets pissed and starts shooting questions at the ill prepared Liz. "What does this mean to you" she asks, " please tell me". This is dangerous, he says, " it brings death" DUM DUN DUN
Liz meets a guy named Eddie at the Crashdown when he orders the redskin basket. He says he has a message from Riverdog. He shows her the missing piece of the pendant and says "I (and someone else) will meet you at the reservation at ten o'clock tonight.Be there Alone." I bet she goes.Wouldn't you?
Michael, Isabel and Max are driving down the street being followed. Michael thinks this plan bites. He wants to meet Riverdog. I guess he has been talking to Liz. Or he was talking to Maria who has been talking to Liz. Either way Liz spilled the beans about Riverdog. The Counselor is still following them and they try to lose her. Max jumps out of the jeep and goes into the movies with Liz. They pay upwards of $7.50 apiece just to sneak out the back.
Michael and Isabel are still being followed covertly by the ultra covert Counselor Topolsky. After driving around screeching tires and making a general racket, they elude her by ducking in an alley and parking. Counselor drives right by. Isabel says, "This is a nightmare".
Maria meets Max and Liz who are hiding behind a dumpster in back of the theatre. They get in the car and drive off. Counselor is parked, Valenti boxes her in and slaps a bunch of tickets on her traffic violating self. He wants to do a thorough check (again) on the Counselor OR they could just have a nice private convo. Her choice.
Even though Liz was told to meet Eddie alone, Max is with her. Eddie shows up and gets annoyed at the lack of instruction taking skills Liz has. Max says she knows the symbol and Eddie says there will be a test. If they pass, "Riverdog will answer all of your questions". What now? Eddie starts to walk off into the cornfield. Are they supposed to follow? Is this suddenly Children of the Corn? They choose the former.
Michael, Maria and Isabel are at the Crashdown and it's closed. Michael offends Maria. Maria gets miffed, and Isabel says welcome to Michael land. Isabel and Michael put Tabasco sauce on their chocolate cake. Isabel says they have a digestive quirk, liking things that are sweet and spicy together. Maria says she will have to remember that. Michael says, "You do that." Isabel looks pained as she realizes Maria and Michael are flirting.Yuck.
Liz has walked about three steps and is wheezing and sputtering about how far they have been walking. Eddie leaves them. Typical. But lo, they do have a flashlight. Oh look , a cave. They go in. Liz screams. Max asks "Where are you?" and then she screams again. Maybe she stepped in some bat doo. She says "Let go of me". Has the Valenti beat them to the cave? Max makes his hands into some cool flashlights and the Old Native Guy appears and says, "You have passed the test". He seems to know something.
The Sheriff and the Counselor chat over dinner. The Sheriff suddenly sounds too much like Jack Nicholson (something in the water?) as he reveals that fact that he knows she is really an FBI agent. They agree they are taking the wrong tack. Her cover is being blown and Sheriff threatens to call her superiors and rat her out. If her superiors find out she is toast. "Whatever could you be thinking Ms Topolsky" he says doing his best Nicholson. She offers him her bod or something, I didn't pay too much attention to them. Face it, adults in Roswell are somewhat repetitive and boring.
The Old Native guy stands near a tiki torch and tells Max and Liz about a guy he once met a long time ago who was quiet and distrusting named Atherton. He gave Atherton his necklace. Why he was wearing a necklace, we'll never know, but maybe it was some weird fashion thing. Atherton was eventually murdered. Who killed him?..."THE MAN killed him." Hmmmm. "Maybe he was defending himself", Max says. "Atherton was some kind of UFO nut he could have been trying to expose him, hurt him." There is one more thing Old Native Guy needs to show us. "Walk this way" he says...
Back at the Crashdown, Maria is nervous. Michael tries to be
is freaking out and driving him insane. She wants him to calm her
comfort her but he is no use as he is a typical male. She hates him,
says. He says, " Ditto".
That was to calm her down her says, wiping his mouth. Yuck. Human breath.
As Old Native Guy holds the torch dangerously close to Max's head, he shows them a symbol on the cave wall .Max finds it familiar but does not remember what it means. Old Native Guy promised not to tell anyone about it until someone passed the test. No one ever has, until Max came along with his high wattage hands. Max and Liz want to come back another time but Old Native guy says no dice.Old Native Guy pulls Liz aside to impart some Old Native Wisdom : "Make sure he deserves your trust" which leaves Liz and myself completely puzzled. Max urges Liz to leave the cave with him and she goes. Liz and Max do not kiss, which frustrates those of us who have read the book series and know that they kiss twice in the first book.Till next week.
Read more stuff written by Harper at www.Borovnia.com
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